Coming Out

"Coming out of the closet" or just "coming out" means that a person decides it is high time to declare publicly one’s own sexual orientation and attractions.

This is one of the most important and difficult decisions in the life of a gay. If a person is thinking about whether and how to come out, he may be puzzled by such questions as how his life will be changed, whether his family will accept the situation or whether his friends will remain real friends if they find out.

Coming out has a special etiquette that is based on the experiences of those who were not quite successful in coming out, and found themselves in unsuitable and stressful situation. For example it is not advisable to come out on holidays or during an argument.

Coming out should not be quick, because this is a gradual process. First of all, before coming out to everybody, a person should consider coming out to someone reliable as a good friend or family member. It may happen that you are out at work but not to your family, or vice-versa. Anyway it is a continuous process that involves a lot of new acquaintances and situations.

But even more important first step is coming out to oneself that means a person should admit to oneself that he or she is a gay. It may become quite complicated as a person tries hard to understand oneself and what is going on in his soul. Many gays have to overcome the period prior to coming out when they believe their sexual orientation and behavior is just a phase and their religious or moral principals may reject their own feelings and it may take a long time before a person learns how to accept oneself.

Some studies have revealed that the degree to which a person can be out in a lot of situations is really correlated with overcoming stress and a feeling of freedom.

Millions of gays have come out and they often consider it to be the best moment in their lives. Of course being an openly gay is not always easy in the society, but it may become so much more enjoyable than being "in the closet." Just think about all the effort and energy it takes when you hide the truth and are constantly worried that your secret may be discovered. The quality of life is considerably reduced or even spoiled. If a person goes on closeting oneself away from everybody denying one’s own essence and living in isolation and fear, it can cause serious mental-health problems such as stress, depression, anxiety, and alcohol or drug addiction. Just because your sexual orientation is not the same as the majority of people have is not the reason to deprive yourself from an efficient and colorful life.

Everybody realizes that coming out to parents, friends or to the surrounding world is an extremely complex emotional process. A gay should not pay attention to the standard judgments of other people about his own experience of love and intimacy. If a man chooses to cope with the process alone, it is sometimes really hard. In this case it is highly advisable to consult a professional psychologist or a therapist that could teach and help how to resist difficulties, uncertainties and fears and strengthen one’s sense of self. It’s impossible to change the existing stereotypes, but everybody should be able to unite one’s sexual orientation with a strong self-image. And it is better to accept oneself before confiding to somebody in this case the man will be regarded as a person holding a strong position that his sexual orientation is just right for him.

There exists a wide-spread belief that coming out is one-time act of making a public announcement - you come out once and it’s done or you tell your parents that you are a gay. But coming out is a long process, and in reality you have to come out over and over and over again. Every day following his own life-journey a gay should be ready to take care of preserving strong honest relationship with people most close to him - friends, family, and a supportive therapist, so the ongoing coming out is life confirming.

There are specially organized Coming out projects to help gays to live openly and honestly. Every single time when a person talks publicly about his life, he makes the next step closer to equality. Each word represents a bridge able to transform hearts and minds and even the laws. The polls held among Americans last year revealed that the surprising amount of people not only hide their sexual orientation from other people in their lives, but many people who consider that they have come out also keep themselves from speaking to others about the issue.

The Coming Out projects are aimed to encourage and support people to talk openly about their lives each and every day. Their organizers are trying to attract supportive straight people and provide them with resources and opportunities to declare their support for equality.

Sexual minorities will achieve equality by growing the number of people who stand with them. Every time a straight person openly disapproves an anti-gay joke or joins a gay-straight community, they are going through a coming out experience and it should be honored.

The Human Rights Campaign represents the largest national lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender political organization and its members work all around the USA. It is successful in lobbying Congress, supporting campaign and educating the public to help LGBT Americans conduct open, truthful and safe lives at home, at work and in the community.