How to come out?Sep 24, 2007 |
Though many gays accept their sexuality quite easy, for many of them "coming out" is a difficult and long process. Realization may happen in the early youth, when you first feel that you are somewhat different from others.
You may have had strange or vague idea how to define your difference, asking yourself whether it's normal or you don't know how to react towards this fact. There can be various ways of developing your feelings till you accept your identity in sex orientation terms.
Some of you may unconsciously choose a defense behavior, increasing sexual contacts with the opposite sex to prove themselves that this "condition" is temporary. Other can avoid any information that concerns homosexuality for fear of revealing "awful" things.
Some can transform their fears into hostility that is directed toward other gays, trying to restrain their own feelings. One more way out can be drugs and alcohol, where you can hide from yourself. This struggle with yourself can be painful and long enough until you realize to face the truth.
When you decide to "come out", you should expect that this won't be a one-day event. Even if your parents or friends reaction won't be a shock, you may feel as if they didn't wanted to talk with you about it, discussing this topic behind your back. You should know that once you told somebody about your sex orientation, information can get about quite soon, so be prepared to every attitude from condemnation till sympathy.
Tips for gays, who decided to confess:
- First of all try to choose a person you trust mostly, be this he or she, your brother or sister, your close friend, or a parent.
- Try to choose the right time for a serious talk. You should be sure they take in your words thoughtfully without haste. It would be better for you to be in a steady emotional state.
- Keep in mind the main reason, why you decided to talk about it. If you wish to astonish or hurt somebody, their reaction can correspond to your aim.
- Share all your fears and sincere feelings, telling that you didn't mean to do anyone harm and just need to talk about it because living with this "secret" is unbearable.
- If reaction of those close to you is rather unpleasant, give them time to reflect on it. If your friend doesn't want to hear anything, think over whether you need such friends. Remember that your parents may have conflict feelings, which won't necessarily relate to you, but more over with a sense they did something wrong or somebody influenced you bad way.
- You can always address professional psychological help or encounter group in your city or region.
Remember, that it's totally your own right to make a decision whether to come out. But hiding your suppressed feelings can be rather difficult to deal with it alone.
I would recommend that young people who know they are gay to come out. When young I was in denial and conformed, got married, even had children. Now in my 50's the feelings have come out forcefully and haunt me. I live between the devil and the deep blue sea. I love my wife, but want a man. It's not the best. Don't put yourself in this postion to please others or to conform. It comes back to haunt you!
